We’re preparing for the Singapore River Regatta which is the last local race for the year. I can’t believe it! Last local race of the year already. There were fewer races this year compared to 2014, as I heard. But still, I managed to join five races.

• MR 500 at Jurong Lake – 500 meters – first race, bronze!
• PUB World Water Day – women’s crew won silver
• Boracay International Dragon Boat Festival – 500 meters – 2nd Place Small Boat Mixed Int’l
• DBS Marina Regatta 2015
• OCBC Race – was not able to participate because I was in the Philippines
• SDBF – was not able to participate because I was in the Philippines
• DB Challenge – made semi-finals
• AustCham 10km Challenge – was not selected for the FDS boat

I had a crisis of motivation in August when I wasn’t selected for the AustCham 10km challenge. But somehow, I’ve made my way out of it. Cleared my mind, and told myself that I can’t give up because of one personal setback. The captain said “marami pang karera” (more races to come). Nakakatuwa because, still… upbeat, positive thinking.

Because of the prevalent SG haze, some of our recent scheduled trainings were cancelled. This past weekend however, the PSI returned to below 100… so we were out in the water again. Our Saturday session was about endurance (2x 1000 meters, 2x 500 meters, etc.). I noticed I feel stronger and more confident in the 2nd half of a training session… the first half… hingal ako! The warm-ups are more difficult than the actual training program… the warm-up from the beach to Shears Bridge is difficult for me.

What else is happening?

I noticed almost half of the promos airing on the channel I’m working for… are mine. Like, I’ve been worried sick about not being able to produce my best work recently… but when you flip onto this TV channel… that’s my stuff on there! #TryingToBoostConfidence

I’ve lost my muse a few times the past few weeks. I HATE PRODUCING MEDIOCRE WORK. It’s unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable. But I’m beginning to think that it may all be in my mind. My work may not be the best at this moment, but I’m still able to meet deadlines.

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The HAZE is the big thing going on lately in Singapore. ALDUB if you’re in the Philippines.

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I’ve also been binge watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars. This animated series is awesome. The quality of the episodes, the stories, the characters… it’s like I opened a treasure chest. It is five seasons long, 22 episodes each season… almost 25 minutes each episode. Fast-paced, lovable characters, all connected to the Star Wars prequels (it narrates what happens between Episode II and Episode III). It’s a time where Palpatine is still Chancellor, Obi-Wan is a leader in the Clone Wars on the side of the republic, Anakin (looks better here than in the prequel movies.. as animation) showing off his cocky side and yet still be a kick-ass pilot… Ahsoka Tano, C3PO, R2-D2, Padme… waaah, so many episodes still left to watch. And… there’s even Star Wars: Rebels to catch afterwards… on-going on Disney XD.

• I’ve resumed training with FDS. We are preparing for the Singapore River Regatta in late October. We might also compete at a dragon boat race in Langkawi.
• Some drama again related to last year. It is really pissing me off but I’m taking a different approach in handling it.

PSI (pollutants standard index) has been in the 150-200+ range in the past few days. That means the haze is “unhealthy”. Above 201 is “very unhealthy” and above 301 is “hazardous”.

 
The haze originates in Sumatra, Indonesia due to the slash and burn of vast plantations. In Singapore, the blue skies disappear and the smell of smoke billows. I sneeze more often and you can feel a thin layer of dust on some objects (noticed it on our metal gate).

Two FDS trainings have been cancelled due to the worsening haze. Last Thursday’s Land Training and last Sunday’s water training. The Singapore Dragon Boat Association (SDBA) released its guidelines on how teams will go about their trainings during the haze.

The haze coincided with the SG Elections last Friday. It wasn’t that bad on Friday, but you can smell smoke in the air.

I’m a healthy 30 year-old so I should be fine. I feel worried about the elderly and the little babies of Singapore who are much more sensitive to the air pollution.

It wasn’t easy!

Siguro kasi, may part where I’ve given up. I was excited for every dragon boat race I entered this year. But I was frustrated on several occasions I felt I’m not as strong as I want to be.

My brother sent me one of those inspirational quotes, “If you feel like quitting, remember why you started.”

I started because I want to improve myself. I want to improve my stamina and my physique.

Sinayang ko ang dalawang training this past week. Only two out of several I’ve attended zealously this year. I took a week off from FDS at the most quiet part of its training calendar to contemplate.

I’m almost ready to return to training after experiencing disappointments over my personal performance for the team.

I have “clicked going” for SRR in late October. A signal that I’m still in this. I am not giving up yet. 

  
It’s my boyfriend who has had to deal with the worst of my current situation. Thanking him for what patience he still has for me.

Tulala ako kanina sa office. Three scripts that were edited and re-worded.

Zero motivation for pool training. I had my gear with me but took the train to Orchard instead.

Phase lang siguro ito.

  
It’s difficult to deal with disappointments.

I guess it is part of the journey when you want to improve your worth in a career, in a relationship, and in a sport.

But when it seems you fail at all three at the same time… nakaka-down.

It’s difficult to maintain enthusiasm.

I describe it like smiling but then you get tired of smiling.

I failed to make the AustCham 10km crew for my dragon boat team. It sounds so trivial and funny I would feel down for not making “the boat”. Like seriously, a year ago I had NO SPORTS to think of. I guess I was too ambitious to try out for 10km agad-agad. Oo, na-excite ka sa isang challenge. And then it’s simply “not yet time”. More training pa. Which is frustrating because I am training and giving it my best…

Some teammates who I am close with smiled at me… told me not to worry. It is what works best for the boat. The team captain said there are more races to look forward to.

I’ll work this out eventually.

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Decided on writing this and putting it out there. Dahil gusto ko one day I’ll look back and perhaps laugh this off.

Some stuff.