I did something really, really terrible. I picked a fight with someone very important to me. Now I feel like shit. As if the year hasn’t been tough itself versus anxiety, challenges in the workplace, on my dragon boat team, in love, and even in a permanent residency application. Add to that an offer that was cancelled. Like seriously WTH. 😦

Rejection seems to be the theme!

I have friends who have had it much worse though. And I feel for them. I can’t compare my struggles with a friend who lost her mom. Or another friend who’s father is in the hospital. But we all have our own struggles.

So what am I rambling on about?

• An anti-climatic conclusion to a year I initially thought was fantastic in dragon boating. Grabe, I really gave it my best. Three years of dragon boating and this was THE YEAR. My stats improved in Land and Water time trials. Nevermind that I am the most industrious male paddler for 2017  Eh… kamusta naman ang stats when that gets tossed out into the water without a fucking life vest. Left to drown in a whirlpool of someone else’s key performance index. Dismayed. Disappointed. You name it. But the boat continues and people will continue to paddle… trust the friggin’ process. Pagod na ako diyan. There was a process. Worse, ilan lang kami nakapansin. Everyone else seems to be like the lego people in Lego City singing that Lego song that everything is awesome. New captains next year. I believe in them but I also believed in the ones this year. I am DONE. I am taking myself out of the equation muna to focus on my personal strength development. What can I contribute to the team? My creativity.
• The man I’m most interested in is… on the other side of the planet. He’s the one I can already imagine wearing a barong and I’m in a suit… and we’re driving a mini cooper feelin’ super-duper. But how… he’s in San Jose, California!
• Oo may bumawi ng offer sa akin. *Insert Kris Aquino nakakaloka face*

There’s some other shit too but for now…