This one is a more personal entry. I’ve been sharing about travels lately. It’s nice to see but I’m also at a point in my career where I feel vulnerable. I’ll take a break to share this.

The past few weeks I have shown how strong I can be. (Completely rephrased from my original thought process of “I feel scared”).

In my role at work, I have been navigating a space of both uncertainty and promise. Uncertainty since it’s a contract role and promise because I’ve invested time to learn. There’s a lot I still don’t know but I try each day. Really, I try.

There are times I feel vulnerable and easily disenchanted. How is success measured in the role? Is it based on a set of metrics? Are these metrics accurate? Is it fair to be measured or compared to another person… say, a high-performing colleague or team? Is the role actually a challenging one when it comes to measurement in general? Am I getting a fair evaluation?

It’s a role thing. I’m enjoying the company I get to work for. I’m doing soul-searching. And I’m trying to take every learning and applying it. I have to accept I won’t be able to please everyone. I’m trying each day to focus on what matters. To prioritise. But I don’t want to suffer mentally just to fit in. I care for myself and I love myself enough to stop, breathe, and relax.

I put myself on this journey and I’m going to see it through. I won’t look at things as a failure but rather as an opportunity to optimise. Or realise. Really now… I’ve picked up new tricks. Amazing new ways of thinking. I now know how to tie projects and creatives to business needs. My manager taught me this and it’s the biggest takeaway.

And it’s okay if it’s not something I want to end up pursuing in the long term. I am aware of my strengths and skills. If I could somehow combine all the creativity and all the analytics.

I won’t be tied down to a ticking clock. To a time limit. I’ve lived quite fortunate the past thirteen or fourteen years. I’ve had it pretty good.

Funny to write this to myself. But hang in there! You’re 35 in 2020. It’s a new decade and you have the liberty and power to do whatever you want. Hindi na kailangan sumiksik sa mga lugar kung san ka nahihirapan or napipilitan lamang. It’s your path to take, your own path. Not the same path as those around you.

What advice would you give your younger self when it comes to failing forward or learning?