The New York Times came out with an article in recent months about the feeling of languishing. I refused to believe it because I didn’t want to simply put a label on something I fear I’ve been feeling too. I feel like I’m floating through the days and weeks. I’m sad that it’s already June 2021. I feel like time is just speeding along and I’m wasting something. I don’t know what it is.

So, I’ll try to list down some things I’ve already done (or currently working on). I hope this list helps remind me that I’m not languishing even if I feel like it. Let’s go:

• I’m studying basic Japanese. I’m enrolled in a ten-week basic Japanese class and I’m on the third week. We have weekly assignments. We also get to practice writing, reading, and speaking with our sensei. RESULT: Learning a third language.
• I’m exercising regularly through an online class back in the Philippines. On weeknights, I’m still consistent with my HIIT, body weights, and mobility exercises. I get to mingle and interact with people who are also working out while at home. RESULT: Staying fit.
• I’m tax-compliant in the United States. This was a struggle to accomplish mainly because I was confused by the processes since I’ve never worked a day in my life in the United States. But it’s a massive personal achievement to get this done and dusted. RESULT: Peace of mind. And my stimulus cheques!
• I’m investing in my dental care. I had a root canal in May and I got my crown last week. I also completed the first phase of my first dental implants – to help fill in two missing teeth at the back of my mouth. It’s shit expensive. But I have a good dentist and this is important. RESULT: Working towards a more confident smile.
• I’m upgrading my WFH workstation. It became an accidental “thing” after I found myself shopping in Lazada in recent weeks. I’ve upgraded to a slightly larger table which I got from IKEA. I added a sit-stand tabletop which you can adjust manually. I’ve added a 2nd monitor so I now have a dual screen set-up. I’ve also purchased a hanging light for the monitor. I also have a mechanical keyboard with pretty lights. The total spent on these purchases is a one night stay at Marina Bay Sands. But it’s something I can use every working day. RESULT: Less of a backache. Aiming to improve productivity with two screens.

These are all accomplishments from recent weeks (May/June 2021).

Even with these, I’m frustrated that I haven’t been cooking for PJ in recent months. He’s doing all the cooking and I feel bad because… well… my focus is on other things. He doesn’t complain at all (he’s lovely like that). But sometimes I wish I had the patience and skills to cook. The only thing I can cook this year seems to be tuna pasta. Is this because I don’t want to cook dishes that require rice? I’d rather put together a salad, a sandwich, tacos, nachos, or a light snack. But cooking adobo isn’t something that I have the patience for right now, even if adobo is pretty simple!

I’m also experiencing cabin fever with Phase 2 Heightened Alert in the past few weeks. Or is it, Phase 3 already. With the rise of community cases since May, I feel safest at home. But staying at home all day has a mental effect. I know it’s much worse in the Philippines – but I’m not going to discredit my own experience. I’m tired of being at home all day. I wish there were 36 hours in one day. I’d like to spend it running by the beach, biking to a reservoir, or visiting a distant hawker centre.

Why is time moving so fast?