Category: Personal

First… take notice of my EPIC table setting skills! A FIRST. We bought the decorations at Robinson’s Place General Trias and Ayala Malls Manila Bay. Yeeeeaaaah, the green napkins with polka dots don’t match the floral plates. I also wanted the fairy lights to be in a single colour (like virginal white). But we can’t have everything.

What we CAN have though are some happy memories.

Like welcoming 2020 and a new decade with the family. I laugh at those who are so righteous ‘it’s not a new decade yet!’ – shut up, it’s the 2020s – use your technicality on Yuzuru Hanyu.

We had a spread that was catered by relatives. Mom ordered and added macaroni salad. Dad cooked some barbecue using the new grill that my brother and I got him. I enjoyed the lumpia of course. (Lightbulb moment: Barbecued lumpia. Has anyone heard or tried?)

Our backyard did not get renovated in time for the new decade. But after eight months, I finally replied to our architect and it looks like we’ll be getting a revised rendering and a quotation soon. I’m excited because we’re talking about transforming the back of our home into a comfortable space instead of something that looks like the demilitarized zone.

Oh, before I forget, the top nine from 2019 according to Instagram. Nevermind we grant access to our photos to a third party LOL. These are based on likes. They obviously don’t give justice to all the other good stuff that happened in 2019. But I’ll share anyway:

There’s myself with PJ in about three of the top nine (Manila Pride and at two different Spartan races). The ‘Focus on what matters’ was taken from the office in San Francisco. The Pacman and pink shirts are events from the office. You’ll spot me cooking, with my mom beaming at me. That was taken in Bangkok when we learned how to cook Thai curry. The dragon boat photo is actually a flashback to an earlier time in a galaxy far, far away. The last photo was after I completed a half marathon.

One of my favorite memories from 2019 is introducing my family to PJ. It’s also documented (slightly) in the video episode below:

Other great memories from 2019? Visiting Europe and Australia for the first time. That’s Dublin, London, Frankfurt, Sydney…. also seeing the U.S. and Japan after decades. Visiting relatives there too. I enjoyed Taiwan Pride. Loved going to Thailand with the family. Attending a wedding in Ipoh and Alfonso. Celebrating my birthday in Malacca. A staycation at Crowne Plaza Changi Airport during an anniversary with PJ… a staycation in Tampines too… and other weekends in Bukit Merah.

You know what? I think I got back on track in 2019. I feel good. Look at me here in these short shorts:

HIGHLIGHT. I continue to TRY and improve each day. I’m in a job that is very challenging because it’s NEW territory for me. It’s easy to fall off balance. But I’m proud of myself for trying each time I get a chance. I am thankful for it. And thankful for all the rich experiences of the past year. ❤

***

Happy New Year, everyone!

2010. Seeing the beauty of the Philippines.

I got to travel to various parts of the Philippines. It was filled with domestic travels. I was enchanted. The Philippines IS beautiful. I’m proud to call it my home.

2011. Making new friends from different countries.

I studied in Malaysia for a month. It was my first opportunity to meet people with different nationalities and backgrounds. It got me excited about moving to Singapore to try out a regional TV broadcast network.

2012. Moving to Singapore.

Fortune favours the bold. I left behind my permanent job at ABS-CBN to live in a hostel in Lavender for three months… in search of a job in the city-state. I had a diet of chicken rice and mixed veg rice (Singapore’s turo-turo). It pays off. I get a job at MediaCorp!

2013. Coming out to my parents.

Celebrating my employment in Singapore meant I could finally afford to take the family out to see some neighbouring countries. We meet up in Siem Reap, Cambodia. After a freak thunderstorm leaves us stranded at the Angkor Wat, I find an ‘ancient’ window and know it’s time to tell my parents that I’m gay and I’m partnered. Mom and dad hug me and say that they love me as long as I’m happy.

2014. Joining a dragon boat team.

One of my favourites in the past decade. I found myself paddling as part of an AWESOME dragon boat team. They’re Filipino Dragons (Singapore)… one big competitive family. Dragon boating changes me physically. I slouch less. I now skew towards sports.

2015. Leaving a stale relationship.

I won’t sugarcoat it. Things weren’t working for a long time. It felt like the band-aids were falling off. The year ended on a very sad note with the passing of my partner’s mom. Absolutely heartbroken during those days. We tried to keep the relationship going into early 2016, but it fails. There was no fixing it.

2016. Becoming independent.

For the first time in over 12 years, I was now living independently without a partner. I moved to Geylang and continued my dragon boating. I also started dating again.

2017. Making mistakes.

I was in love with someone who didn’t feel the same way. I made the mistake of letting it go on, aimlessly. Until it blew up in my face. It affected me so hard that I had to quit my dragon boat team and, a year later, I quit my job too. This was the toughest year in the past decade because I had to deal with not very good thoughts, quitting my dragon boat team (it was on my own accord), paralysing anxiety, and heartbreak.

2018. Learning from them.

I started the year by putting myself out there again. I met quite a few interesting people. Until it reached a point that I was dating to learn more about myself. I was worried about becoming a 33-year-old jaded gay man. Until Tinder connected me to PJ who I would meet in front of a Tori-Q stall in Bugis. He’s a kind, genuine soul. I’m happy I’ve met him at a time that I now love myself more and more. ❤

2019. Seeing the beauty when you ‘press continue’.

I end the decade with a new job in an entirely new industry. The job has sent me to Dublin, San Francisco, and Sydney. With stopovers in cities like London and Tokyo. I thought it was over for me in the preceding years. But I started to see the beauty of putting one foot in front of the other. It’s changed my outlook. I can do anything as long as I pour my heart into it. It’s not a permanent role… but even a permanent role is not permanent. So make the most of what you get.

***

A new year, a new ‘decade’ 2020s… we are ALL getting older, YES. But I don’t want to count the years. I’d rather count the life we get to live in each year. That means doing less of the same things. Doing the same thing = not growing.

Sobrang thankful ako sa mga friends, colleagues, family… through the years. You know who you are. Thank you. I really appreciate all the goodness you bring. And to my partner PJ, who I am closing 2019 with… you add joy to my life.

I’m struggling through work. I’ll be candid about that. It’s ‘alarming’ and ‘deeply concerning’ that I haven’t ‘picked up’ the necessary skills needed to get the job I signed up for.

False.

I’m proud of myself for trying something new. I give myself credit for making a bold step to leave my comfort zone. I might not be as amazing as my peers but I’m something of my own. I am capable of being great at my own pace. I’ve launched projects and campaigns. I’ve made some good relations with stakeholders. Not all of them. But how could you when you have double the stakeholders. You’ll never be able to please every single one. Only manage. And, as my manager reminds me constantly, prioritise.

I think I’ve only recently gotten my bearings again after a rollercoaster 2017/2018. I struggle with mental health issues. I recognise the anxiety which drains me. I acknowledge I need help and I’ll be open about it. I know how it feels to stand twelve floors above and looking down into the abyss. I also know how it feels to stand 34 floors above the ground and looking out from the posh, well-stocked pantry of the tech company I work for. I feel fucking thankful. I’ve overcome challenges and doubt to get to where I stand.

If it’s a chemical imbalance, I’ll deal with it. I accept anxiety as a part of me that I need to manage. Like how I need to manage the next eBook I’m working on.

These are the times we live in. Filtered or unfiltered. Precious. Pretentious. Where we get older and age gracefully. Knocking down walls. Creating new ones. We respect the new paths created. Friends come and go. And they DO GO. Believe me.

But some stay.

I choose to stay. I know there’s still so much work to get done. It’ll be worth the struggle.

Two things:

1. I love SUNMI. This is a great MV from her Noir single. I’m obsessed with LALALAY.
2. I’ll be fine. I needed to blog this as an outlet.

❤

The previous post was both difficult and empowering to write. I wanted to make sure I jump onto a sunny entry immediately. Here’s a photo with PJ taken in Bangkok last week. We were lounging by the rooftop swimming pool the whole afternoon. I finished reading ‘China Rich Girlfriend’.

We were making fun of the calamari we ordered. Because it looked like 7 or 8 pieces.

Love this photo of PJ. ❤

We spent the whole afternoon at the hotel rooftop. We didn’t want to get wet from Songkran (lol, I grew a phobia of water guns on the 2nd day). We didn’t even want to leave the hotel for fear of getting drenched. So we had room service.

Probably one of the best holidays in recent memory. ❤